Today I explained what the phrase “like pulling teeth” means. Which is ironic because almost everyone here has mostly gold teeth or dentures. But I studied Social Studies in College. Being an English teacher was something I did consider but never actually teaching people to speak English. It wasn’t until I was in college and grad school that I started thinking about it and I took a years worth of Literacy classes and that gave me a push in the right direction. But I’ll tell you what, teaching English should be part of the definition of pulling teeth. I also don’t always mean my students, I also mean myself. Trying to get myself to think creatively while staying within the means of what my students can do in the classroom to deliver quality lessons that teach them in a way that’s outside the box while still following strict curriculums. Like hard pass. Not interested. But here I am and I’m doing those things every day.
I know I’m not the first volunteer to think this and I know I won’t be the last but in the last couple weeks it’s been a mix of I can’t do this and what the fuck am I doing here? Am I actually doing anything? My girls are still saying eighch instead of eight like am I actually making a change? Or helping at all? Struggles with everything across the board and sorry to be such a downer guys but it’s been fucking hard. Facetiming with my family on Thanksgiving mostly ripped me apart, talking to my Gramp and having him tell me to come home like why wouldn’t I just go home?
I talked about seeing a Volvo in my last blog post (A+ plug Steph, thanks Steph!) and that happened this morning and that really did it for me. Sometimes it’s just a sign that you need. I talked about how I felt so good coming back from Spain and that’s 100% true but that faded when work and other aspects of my life made me feel like I was on the business end of a muddler. And then a volvo pulls up. And now I feel like I can be a dentist. I have a training this week, which will help to get some time away and some quality time with my host Mom, and then I’m in. I’m ready. I’m working on a writing a project for my College to renovate one of the rooms into a daycare because so many of our girls have been kidnapped and now have children and are trying to finish their education or they’ve just married early and have children or they’re coming back to school. But they need help and they need a way to finish their schooling. This is like my bread and butter. You want me to help women get education so they can do better for themselves and their families? OH OK. Hard yes. So focusing on what I can do at school and working towards this big goal and big project and realizing that yeah I can fucking do this. I know I’m a damn good teacher and I’ll turn myself into a damn fine English teacher.